![]() I’ve never met any man who went to the hospital because a woman said no to him!” And we’re all in the dating game together. women, we have the choice of who to choose and who not to choose to move on. “But again, if you look at the definition of flirting, it’s to behave as though you’re attracted or trying to attract something or someone without a serious intention. “I don’t want to give off the wrong signals.” “Women fear that if they show an interest in a man, they’ll be falsely leading him on,” says Kimberly.Who’s to say an older gentleman you might strike up a conversation with doesn’t have an available son who would be an excellent match? She says women shouldn’t be afraid to talk to anyone and everyone - regardless of whether or not she finds them attractive.Taking the transactional aspect out of the equation opens up a wealth of opportunities that may not be visible at first glance. “I’m not attracted to anyone.” Kimberly points out that, when you’re too target specific, you’re closing yourself off to many opportunities.When Kimberly takes women into the field to try and get them to open up to flirtation, she finds there are these five common excuses that keep them from doing so: It’s getting people to just want to come talk to you…stop targeting a man to flirt with necessarily, but just with life create this energy where people want to get to know you.” “For me, it’s creating a magnetic energy. “If we all thought of flirting as just a playful gesture…without a serious intention of an outcome, it’s so much easier,” says Kimberly. We all have our own preconception of what it means, but Kimberly lays out the dictionary definition of flirting for us: “to behave as though attracted to or trying to attract someone, but without serious intentions of an outcome.” Like networking, the concept of flirting scares a lot of people. So that’s what I teach women: instead of taking the hanky, crumpling it up, and throwing it at them - that’s the aggression - it’s just dropping the hanky and giving a signal so that actually people are meeting each other.” “But at the end of the day, men still want women to be women, and women still want men to be men and approach. I think, overall, the roles are kind of merging where men are becoming more like women and women are becoming more like men, and so now we’re at a standoff. And women have no idea how closed off they are with their body language and their messaging, the way they hang out with girls in a group and close off any kind of opportunity for men to approach. They’re looking for some sort of smoke signal to come over and talk to you. And I find that most of the time, men are just scared. “I always tell women that is kind of a sense that you should always have - giving men signals to come over. “In the old days, the woman used to drop the hanky,” says Kimberly. And while there’s no real reason a woman so inclined can’t make the first move, some men may be turned off by such a role-reversal or - even in best-case scenarios - uncertain how to react. There’s a long-standing perception on the dating circuit that men are supposed to make the first move in a romantic encounter, and women are meant to passively wait for the approach. Since Jordan has never been a woman (as far as we know), we thought having Kimberly on hand to give us a woman’s point of view on flirting would be helpful for our female audience and eye-opening for our male audience - there should be something here for everyone. She’s the co-host and lead love expert of traveling dating show The Great Love Debate, and she’ll soon be co-hosting a radio show called Full Disclosure with Jordan. Kimberly Seltzer is a makeover and confidence expert, therapist, and dating coach based in Los Angeles, and she works extensively here with us at The Art of Charm. We’ll take you step by step to becoming better at making personal and professional connections, becoming a better networker, increasing your personal social capital and charisma. Take the Art of Charm Challenge by clicking here, or text AOC to 38470. She’ll also tell us about her How to Create Attraction Package, which is geared for women and men. In an effort to provide more balance to the show - and perhaps give our male audience the benefit of a woman’s perspective on this particular subject for a change - we’ve invited therapist and makeover expert Kimberly Seltzer back to talk about flirting for women. Then we discovered an increasing audience of women who would tune in to the podcast and tell us how helpful we’ve been for them, commonly requesting that we might consider tailoring some episodes toward their needs. The Art of Charm began exclusively to help men excel at business, love, and life.
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